Nice Knowin' Ya.

Welp (as I used to say as a child), I'm moving to Mauritania. My bags are packed, and I'll be on the first flight out tomorrow morning. Never heard of the place? Don't fret, I hadn't either until about an hour ago. That's when I watched a DVRed "Oprah" from last week about beauty standards around the world. Apparently, in Mauritania, the most prized and desireable women are those who are overweight, with stretch marks and fat ankles. The men, however, are expected to remain thin. As Oprah started singing "There's a place for us...." from West Side Story, I couldn't help but agree. You see, some of us (and by "us" I mean "you") are naturally thin. The United States is a wonderful place for these people because they fit our standards of beauty without having to do anything at all. They don't struggle to lose weight, dieting and exercising their lives away. They just do their thing, knowing that they embody this country's most desired physical feature. That's great, more power to them. But others of us (and by "us" I mean "me"), go the other way. We are naturally inclined to weigh more. If we do nothing, like those who are naturally thin, we gain weight. What I never knew was, we would be considered super models in other countries! Super models, dammit! And here we are doing everything within our power just to get into pants that are one size smaller. I was simply born in the wrong country. That's all there is to it. So, while I've had fun hanging out with you all at one time or another, it may be a while before I see you again. In the meantime, feel free to start saving your money for a plane ticket to Africa.