"Yes, I'd like a heart attack with a side of fries please. Oh, and a diet coke."

What is going ON with fast food these days? Is this a backlash against the organic/free-range movement? I mean, I'm the first to admit that I love me some junk food, but I wouldn't go near these things with a ten-foot pole. Lately, it seems like a never-ending competition between restaurants to see who can come up with the most wretchedly unhealthy sandwich. Here are our contenders:

First we have the so-meat-tastic-it-doesn't-need-a-bun KFC Double Down. It contains two fried chicken filets that are the "buns" of the sandwich. Between the filets we have two slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese, two slices of bacon, and "special sauce". All this can be yours for a mere 540 calories, 32 grams of fat, and...wait for it...1,380 milligrams of sodium :

A strong contender, the Double Down, but maybe not strong enough. For next we have the lactose-intolerant-nightmare from Denny's, the Fried Cheese Melt sandwich. This culinary nightmare contains four fried mozzerella cheese sticks, smothered in American cheese, all between two pieces of sourdough bread. The entire sandwich is then fried again. Of course, it's served with a side of...? You guessed it: fries! Though Denny's has yet to release "nutrition" information about the sandwich, diet experts estimate that it is approximately 1400 calories. Add in the fries and marinara sauce and you have a meal that is over 1900 calories:

Not content to sit idly by while the fast-food chains of America get their kicks contributing to the expansion of American waistlines, the Wisconsin State Fair wanted in on the action. Now, to be fair (get it...FAIR??), state fairs are not exactly known as meccas of healthy eating. However, I think this next creation is at least equally as caloric and fattening if not more so than the fried candy bars and Twinkies that have become a state fair mainstay. That would be the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger. Sold at the Machine Shed tent, this sandwich consists of a regular beef patty smothered in melted cheese with a Krispy Kreme doughnut instead of a regular bun. For an extra dollar, you can even top it with chocolate-covered bacon! The burger will set you back 1,000 calories (without the bacon), so I figure that if you want to be efficient, simply eat two of them and you'll have reached your daily recommended caloric intake. Using up your expensive groceries with silly things like snacks or dinner? No need! Having to think about cooking a regular meal with actual vegetables? Fuggedaboudit. Pretty tempting, eh?

Last, but certainly not least, Burger King decided to up the ante. Don't you hate it when you just can't decide if you want a burger or pizza? Well, those days are over. Now just head on over to the New York BK Whopper Bar where you can order the Burger King Pizza Burger. What might a pizza burger consist of? Glad you asked! Burger King has laid four quarter-pound whopper patties (for the math-disabled among us, that would be a full pound of beef) on top of a nine-and-a-half inch sesame seed bun. The patties are then covered in pepperoni, mozzerella cheese, marinara sauce, and "pesto-flavored" mayonnaise (unfortunately, there don't seem to be photos of this particular artery-clogging food-substance on the Nets yet so you'll just have to use your imagination). To be fair, Burger King says that this sandwich is meant to be shared. But come on--do you really think there aren't people who will attempt to eat the whole thing themselves? Mmmm...2,520 calories...heart stopping. Literally.

I'm fairly certain that calories entered my body from simply looking at photos of this stuff. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to eat some broccoli.